By DOLPH HONICKER
Suppose that an infinite God exists, what can we do for him? Being infinite, he is conditionless; being conditionless, he cannot be benefited or injured. He cannot want. He has. Think of the egotism of a man who believes that an infinite being wants his praise!
-- Robert Ingersoll
He has yet to step forward. But suppose that a highly intelligent man, mid-fifties, in the prime of life, fluent in a dozen different languages, married to an equally intelligent and attractive woman, parents of 2.3 children, their lives never touched by a hint of scandal, ran for president of the United States.
Suppose he already has been a foreign envoy to several troubled countries and helped to leave peace and stability in his wake.
Or, maybe he is a successful university president at a college where academics are the No. 1 priority and where there are no athletic scholarships. Kids just go out and play varsity sports and intramural sports for the fun of it. If a kid is too poor to pay tuition, he is allowed to work his way through via a co-op plan.
He could even be a successful businessman who runs a high tech firm where the employees share in the profits and he, the CEO, is paid only five times what the average worker makes -- not 431 times as much.
This man is considered a pillar of his community, volunteering his time and money for all sorts of efforts to improve his city and state.
He even could be a well-thought-of governor who has put his state on a pay-as-you-go plan, brought unemployment to a minimum and raised education to a high standard.
This hypothetical everyman and his family attend church every week, just so long as it’s a mainstream church and not an off-brand such as the Jehovah’s Witnesses or a snake-handling holiness cult.
With a war chest of tens of millions of dollars raised for him in small sums by millions of people who believe in him, would this everyman have an almost sure lock on winning the White House?
You betcha.
Same scenario with a slight difference.
At a nationally televised press conference, a reporter poses these questions to which Everyman responds:
REPORTER: Mr. Everyman, is it true that you and your family do not belong to a church?
EVERYMAN: Yes, it’s true.
R: But surely you believe in God?
E: No, I stopped believing in such myths and superstitions when I was a small boy. But I’ve encouraged my family to seek their own answers on this.
R: How can you expect to lead a Christian nation if you’re not a Christian yourself?
E: First of all, I don’t consider this a Christian nation. We’re a people with all sorts of beliefs -- and unbeliefs.
R: But without the Bible to guide us and the Ten Commandments ...
E: There are many different religions, each with its own bible and each believing it to be the one true religion, although moderates tend to deny this until you pin them down. I don’t need the Ten Commandments to tell me it’s immoral to murder and rape or to steal and lie. There are laws on the books that forbid such crimes. As a young person you learn morality by observation, trial and error. I’ve made my share of mistakes and probably will make more.
R: Aren’t you afraid of going to hell if you don’t accept Jesus as your personal savior?
E: I believe we make our own heaven and hell here on earth. If you’re a normal person -- not a sociopath or a psychopath -- you feel good, or heavenly, when you do the right thing. You feel like hell when you hurt someone, lie or cheat.
R: Where do you plan to spend eternity?
E: Before I was born, I had no memory; I was a nothingness. The moment I die, I’ll return to that nothingness. The idea of eternity -- after what I hope will be a fruitful life on earth -- seems like a terrible bore. Preachers claim the saved will spend eternity singing praises and hosannas to God. Think about it. He, she or it was so intelligent he created the entire universe over a span of billions of years. And now, while this divine being oversees wars, hurricanes, earthquakes, forest fires, porno flicks, AIDS, starvation and poverty on earth, he wants to hear a bunch of yahoos singing his praises in heaven for a few billion more years?
R: This means you’re an atheist.
E. Yes.
R: Sir, I’m being told in my ear-phone that this news conference is being interrupted by a commercial for Viagra to be followed by a bulletin.
BULLETIN: The Party has just announced that it is withdrawing its support for Everyman for president.
Copyright 2007, Dolph Honicker
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